Carry me today

It's funny how you can put so many feelings and thoughts in one week. There's been hate, sorrow, pain, joy, hope, fear, despair and so much more I can't put into words. So much has happened and I'm not sure how I should be at the moment.

 

I had a horrible flu for over a week about two to three weeks ago, I went to see a doctor and he gave me some pills to eat so I could get better quicker. Well it worked. But then week ago, last Thursday, just when I was already a bit better from the flu I woke up in the morning and got this most horrible and strong headache. I've never had a headache like that. It felt like someone wanted to split my head into two pieces. It was like that for two days and then I had to go back to see another doctor. Well this time they told me it was probably migraine. On Saturday 3.10 my headache was already a bit better but then 8.30pm my dad called me from Finland. It's that moment when you just know something's not right. It's that call you don't wanna get, ever. And especially when you're all alone without anyone you actually know. My grandpa died on Saturday 3.10.

 

I wonder how everyone's doing... They say they're quite okay. Some of them haven't understood what has happened. I'm so glad they have a lot of people there to be with them. It's really important. You can share your pain and sorrow with others, if you want to cry there'll be someone to comfort you. You don't have to be alone.

 

Then I think how am I doing. I promised myself to be strong, for others, for my family. Because there are people who are much more sensitive than me, because there are people who loved our grandpa as much as I did. And for them I want to be strong, when they need someone to talk to I can be there without losing it myself. I built this little white box and filled it with memories and hid it in my heart and I won't open it before there's time for that. I will keep myself together as long as I have to. They say that wounds heal, so will this one.

 

On Saturday evening after 9pm I went to the beach, the air was misty and smelled like fish. I walked down where the water hit the sand. The sea was black and beautiful, sand was wet and cold and the wind was warm. That was the closest I could get to my grandpa and then I said goodbye to him. There were a lot of people, it was a really warm night.

 

I just want to smile.

Have my memories.

And smile.

 

 

You'll always be in our hearts, we love you so much. R.I.P grandpa

 

Song for you - Jenny and Tyler

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LeOh7dZOQGw

 

Hope is what we crave - for KING & COUNTRY

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0bwdA-k8Olg

 

Starry night - Chris August

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qfBjUauVenc

 

Unpredictable

Hirunaka no Ryuusei (google)

 

Hi! Okay, let me tell you something. I don't really like it when people ask me time after time with that certain overly worried tone in their voice 'am I still doing okay, do I feel comfortable being somewhere/with some people, have people been nice to me and so on' (I also know it may just be a part of this culture here but still... too much is too much). And that look people sometimes give to me... It's the most frustrating thing of all of it. How worried about me are they?? C'mon... I'm doing just fine, why wouldn't I? There's an ocean I just looove, I'm finally recovering from a flu I had for over a week which means I can go running again soon and the weather is getting nice and warm. I'm also perfectly capable of taking care of myself and I've been like that always (I'm not exaggerating, I'm like the most independent and stubborn person ever.. Also in a bad way. ^.^' That's one reason why my personality is so difficult... Haha. Maybe that's also why I'm still single... Lol. (≖ ‿ ≖) (ᗒᗨᗕ) Got side tracked a bit again, oops.) Anyway, that doesn't mean I wouldn't like to be with people, not at all, I love spending time and having fun with friends and family. But you know, being alone is not bad either! It's good sometimes to spend time just by yourself, you learn so many new sides of yourself and you can do just what you want to do. You don't have to share your time with anyone, you can have a coffee and read a book, go swimming or running, go shopping and find those perfect jeans you've been looking for two years or you can learn how to play guitar. You choose what you do! So why people think it's so horrible or worrisome to spend so much time alone? Of course if you are always alone people may start to think there's something wrong and then they start worrying. And there's always a reason for being alone, no-one is alone without a reason to do so. It's good if someone notices you are alone a lot when you really wouldn't like to be alone and asks if everything is ok but after being alone a few weeks or days... That's not a long time for real, so please people, don't be too concerned and give me that look. Or in anyone's case, not everybody likes to be questioned so much that it feels like you have to tell your whole life story.

Okay did that make any sense? Was that unclear enough? Was that enough of telling you how I don't like that too worrisome part of people? I think I sometimes have hard time to explain what I mean in a way it still makes some sense. -(n.n)-

Oh do you know what I really like to do! When I feel like 'today I look nice and I really like the clothes I'm wearing', I just love going out for a walk and being that confident me, maybe also do some shopping or go have a coffee. I just feel so good that it would be a shame to stay indoors sitting on a computer or watching television. ＼(ﾟｰﾟ＼)  〜(꒪꒳꒪)〜  <- that actually looks a lot like me... ;')

Look what I found :P Had to buy those...

Get stupid - Aston Merrygold      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cHsolDJSDfc
Oh my love - The Score     https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=igKC5_VP1wY
Hey Mama - David Guetta ft. Bebe Rexha, Nicki Minaj, Afrojack     https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uO59tfQ2TbA

Traveling

Hiii! And sorry it's been so long since I last wrote here... I've been so busy for these first two weeks I've spent in Sydney. I've seen a lot of places, met so many new people that it's impossible to remember everyone of them, seriously I've met at least one new person everyday (so that I've been introduced to that person and actually had a chat), maybe mostly 20 people/day. That's a lot. I'm not gonna write much this time but you'll have a lot of pictures so you can get some image of my past two weeks to your heads. -(ü.ü)-

 

Okay, my host-mum and her sister made steamed buns. They are both reeeeally amazing cooks. Those buns are delicious btw...

 



 

 

And I've had so much good coffee... I might need to take a break from drinking it or I'll become addicted to it. ;P

 

 

We made this trip to the city. We went to see Bondi beach, Watson Bay, Botany Bay and can't remember rest of the places.

 

 

 

I went running before it got dark. I've already found one way where I like to run. ;)

 

 

I went to this one flower garden quite near our place, it's very beautiful place.

 

 

We had a lot of people visiting my host-family and of course we also had a lot of DELICIOUS food. Crabs, prawns, Vietnamese rolls, salmon, salad... and so on.

 

 

You got to have a dessert after that dinner.

 

 

I went to visit Canberra with my host-family and my host-mum's two sisters. On our way to Canberra there was this huge sheep... o.o Don't quite understand it but my host-dad told me that some cities/towns here have their own "symbols" or mascots what ever you wanna call them. And this was one of those.

 

 

In Canberra we went to the tulip festival, Black Mountain and Botanic Garden.

 

 

We saw wallabies. -(0.0)-

 

 

One breakfast my host-mum made me... O.O That's not what I always eat here.. Just a rare occasion, trust me. -(^-^)-

 



 

Haha... There was so much food in this post. Well... I've got so much good food now when my host-mum's sister from Malaysia has been with us for two weeks, so all that food describes my time here so far very well.

 

To be alone with you - Sufjan Stevens

Australia

Oh hi everyone and greetings from Australia! ;) Finally I'm here!! I came here last Tuesday, my flight took 29 hours.... Including two stops in Milan and Hong Kong. But I didn't get too lost when looking for my next flights. \(ü.ü)/ How cool is that. In Milan I had to ask for advise two times before finding my gate and in Hong Kong I had company. There was this Finnish guy sitting almost next to me from Helsinki to Milan and for both of our surprise we were sitting on the exact same places on the flight from Milan to Hong Kong. Haha! -(n.n)- So when we got to Hong Kong I asked him if I could just go with him and then we both went to look for our flights. He went to Taipei and I continued my trip to Sydney. It was so nice to meet him, these acquaintances you probably never see again.

 

 

From the airport in Hong Kong.

 

So now I've been here for three days and I think the most difficult thing is to find my way from point A to B. I just always get lost. Especially when I go to that shopping mall near the place I live in. I've been there now every day and still when I'm there I have absolutely no idea where I am. Oh this bad sense of direction I have... And you know, here are crows that sound like a mix of a cat and a child screaming. Today one of those flew over me from behind and made that voice and it totally startled me. I really thought there was some cat coming fast from behind me... And then the sound came over me and I noticed it was that damn bird. But then here are many other beautiful and much nicer birds too! And I can't be without mentioning how wonderful and kind these people here are. Really, Finns are like the opposites from Australians. Today I met quite a few people at the church I'll be working at and they all seem so lovely! Also my host-parents and that family friend I've mentioned before and his mother are too wonderful, amazing people. I think I can get myself to fit in here eventually, the beginning is always a bit hard. Especially with English as a language because even though I can speak English quite well I haven't had to use it a lot in Finland. So sometimes I just forget the words or don't pronounce them right or so. ^^' Hopefully my English gets better in time. Fingers crossed.

Avicii - Nights   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UtF6Jej8yb4

Last days in Finland

Well hi everyone! Now is Saturday night and I'm watching Dumbo with my sisters and my bigsis' bf Johannes. I think I haven't even seen this movie before... Weird. So far this has been so sad... But that singing mouse is the best. -(^.^)- And now I can say this has turned out to be the weirdest movie I've ever seen.  o.o  Anyway, Johannes came back to Finland yesterday, he was also in USA just like my bigsis was. It's so fun to see him again, he's so... How would I say it... Well very fun and definitely has his own unique personality. He's quite awesome. -(ü.ü)-

Today I spent time with my friends in this event called Hengelliset syventymispäivät. We sang a few songs in the choir and after that we went to Kaivopuisto. There we were just hanging out and having a good time. Then I had to say goodbye to all of these wonderful people. I already miss them even I'm still here, not in Australia. But in a few days I'll be in Sydney! And there will be a few people waiting for me to come, that's amazing! I know I will have a great time there so maybe I won't miss my friends and family too much. -(n.n)-

Tomorrow I'm gonna see my grandparents and then I have to pack. I still haven't done that and it's so not the usual me because I always pack my bags early. And in the morning we were thinking about going to play some beach volley. I love beach volley! I wish I was a lot better at it but maybe I just have to practise.

These last few weeks I spent in Kansanlähetysopisto were so great and I feel like I really want to go back there. There were a few people I got to know but I didn't have enough time to get to know them well. (y.y) But there has to be a plan for everything. Let's see what future brings with it.

 

One morning in Ryttylä.



Morning with a smile

Hi! Okay so the thing is, I'm leaving Finland in about one week. Am I nervous? Yea I could say so. Have I done everything I need to? Nope. Are my days full? More than they would need to. Am I having a good time? The best. Really, last Monday I started my two week period in Ryttylä's Kansanlähetysopisto and I've got a few new friends, I wake up every morning 5.30am, catch a train at 7am, travel for about 20 minutes and use my time in the train well reading one chapter from Bible in one day, and in the afternoon I come home mostly after 7pm and I'm loving it! I'm as tired as ever in the morning lessons but fortunately coffee helps a bit because I really try not to sleep there. I want to hear what they are teaching us. And they serve us so good food there!!!! Three times a day. So good.

 

This is from Ryttylä, I was on my way to Kansanlähetysopisto in the morning and there was so beautiful mist everywhere. These mornings are really the best times of the days, it's so beautiful, sunny, quiet and cold. The way from railway station to our "school" is about 1,5km long and I walk it every morning and just listen to the music.

 

The best thing about Kansanlähetysopisto is that I've met so many different people there. I only know a handful of them but those people are so beautiful. I've heard a bit of some of their life stories and their thoughts and that just makes me think how strong they've become thanks to our Lord. And I've seen a few so beautiful smiles, I guess I kind of fell in love with those smiles. So sincere, happy and full of passion for living. I can't be without smiling myself too. It's just so great.

 

The songs for today are Just a feeling and Love you to death by TaeYang. Here's some Korean music for you ;) I got to know this artist today!

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IlsnM7tY1xA Just a feeling

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mbf9OGKYzZk Love you to death

 

And this is something I wrote today in the morning lesson because it was so difficult to concentrate. (≖ ‿ ≖)

 

"There's something in the air I can smell it. What is it?

Sweet scent of lavender field or maybe murky morning mist flowing all around.

No it's something else.

Could it be dry riverbank by the wooden bridge or a smell of freshly cut grass.

Maybe it's the briskness of upcoming autumn.

I don't know. But it's in the air.

This feeling, still so weak and tiny but always growing.

Something's about to happen, north wind told me so.

When leaves turn red and yellow and fall down covering every bit of the roads I walk.

When the whitest snow makes our world look like a cotton candy land.

 Or maybe when the first little yellow flowers bloom.

I can hardly wait to see the wonders

that make my world oh so new and exciting."

 



Happy days

Hiiiii! (-°3°-) I've had great time lately, really fun and I've used my days well. I start from last Saturday when I went fishing with my friend. Well... All went well and we got a lot of little fishes and one a bit bigger. But then we were just about to head home and for the last time I threw my fishing line and hook to the water, except it didn't go to the water... It went straight to the branch of the nearest tree. I've never done that before. Oh I laughed so much! It was so hilarious. And then it started to rain a bit, luckily not much, and we tried to get the fishline off from the tree. Well eventually my friend took the whole branch down. Then we were ready to go home but no we couldn't. Because my friend accidentally hit the bucket were we kept our fishes and all of those little slimy (and a bit bloody) fishes were all over our boat. Heee..... So nice. Well then there was nothing else to do than to laugh and get those fishes back to the bucket. Yeeea! Then we went home or actually to the cottage, cleaned our fishes and drank some black coffee. Such a fun day. -(`n.n´)-

 

 

Delicious "Lontoonrae" -chocolate and biscuits.

 

Then on Sunday my parents went out for a few days and I got to spend one whole day alone at home! That's so rare occasion. When my little sister came back we watched My neighbor Totoro and Pride and prejudice. So great movies, both of them.

I also got my hoodie ready! It turned out so cute, I just love it. I've looked for a hoodie like that for so many years and just haven't found a good one so now I decided to make it myself.

 

It's more purple than the color in the first picture. My phone likes to mess the colors sometimes...

 Oh and look what I bought! So cute Moomi-calendar for next "school year" (it's for about a year from last July).

 

 Sometimes I decide to eat a proper meal, like today.

 

 

Haha, I found some reeeeeally old gogos from my wardrobe. Those are so funny and we liked to play with those a lot when we were kids. And I had them in that too-cute box. -(ë.ë)-

 

Colton Dixon - More of you

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qYXjXi8PtzQ

 

Have just the greatest day! ⌒°(❛ᴗ❛)°⌒