Why am I feminist? For a simple reason: because even though
we live the year 2018 women are still not seen as equal with men, they don’t
have the same rights and they are not valued and respected like men are. What
do I base this opinion on? It is based on everything I have seen, heard, felt
and read. Just my opinion, of everything I have managed to observe and
experience in my life, something that a lot of people should also spend a
moment to think about if they haven’t already.
To start with, a little bit about where I come from, or more
likely from which kind of society. I come from Finland which is known for high
standard economy and one of the best education systems in the world. I have had
a good, very thorough education where girls and boys are seen and mostly
treated as equal. In primary education everyone has to study the same things,
including crafts and woodwork, and later they are given a choice whether they
want to continue studying crafts or woodworks. Then it’s up to the student what
they choose. In most cases boys choose woodwork and girls crafts. It doesn’t really
raise any questions, right? It’s completely normal. However, I find it weird.
Why girls don’t choose woodwork or why boys don’t want to do crafts?
“Look, look!! (Sam) is doooing craaa-afts!! Mamma’s
boooyyy!!” That, or something similar, could be heard in the hallways of the
primary school I went to if a boy chose to do crafts instead of woodworks. Why
is it such a bad thing that it deserves laughs and mockery? Because that is
what our society has taught us. Not necessarily our parents, or at least not on
purpose, but our society. Because our society relates woodworks to be the job
for boys and crafts as a girly thing, a skill that girls will need when they
grow up. Again, why? Becaaause, women are the ones who will be giving birth to
the child, and after that, women are the ones who will be taking care of the
child. Now I can almost hear the complaints from men saying they are also
taking care of their own child. But let’s face it. How many men really take a
year or even more off from their work to take care of a new-born child? How
many? I can answer you, not many. The reason for this is because our society
teaches us that it is the woman’s job to stay home with the new baby to take
care of him/her. This might take a bit less than a year, or more like my mother stayed at home
three years for each one of us. During that time the mother doesn’t go to work,
unless she is considered a superwoman who doesn’t want to give up on her job
and works while taking care of the child, which is not easy (not that
I have tried it, but this goes into the category of what I have heard or read).
So, here comes out one thing that is not fair: women are kind of forced to give
up on their job, maybe even their dream, if they want to have children and not
to raise them in kindergarten. It’s a fact that women usually need to stay home
for a while after the child is born, unless they want to feed the child solely
with infant formulas. But after a certain amount of time, why couldn’t the
father take some time off from work to take care of the child while the mother
could go to work? Why not? Would it make the men feel less masculine? Would it
make the men look weak in others’, in society’s eyes? Think about that.
(pic from google)
Taking care of a child is not easy, it could be considered a
full-time job (which it kind of is…). A full-time job that is put on women’s
shoulders without considering whether a woman has her own dreams or goals she
wants to achieve in life. As staying home with a child could mean quitting a
job or at least being away a long time, not having time for hobbies for example
dancing and even more so not having time for yourself. How do you think a woman
can get that promotion she wanted so bad when she has to take a year off, or
how a woman can fulfil her dream to become a dancer when she doesn’t have time
to go to classes? Meanwhile her husband is getting a promotion and is now one
step closer to his dream. I might go to extremes here, but at the same time it
is the reality. Women are put under a huge pressure where they have to choose
between their family and their jobs and dreams, while for men it is simple:
job, they will continue going to work as someone needs to get that income.
While that someone could also be the mother…
And not only that, but women are also put under a lot of
stress and work while they are staying home taking care of the children. I’ll
give you an example of an imaginary day of a couple: Couple, Emily and Peter,
in their 30s, with two children Laura 4 years old and Jack 2 years old. Emily
is staying at home taking care of the children while working from home as she
chose not to give up on her dream to become a journalist. Peter goes to work
every day (except weekends) at 7.30am and comes home around 5pm. Morning: Emily
wakes up at 6.30 because Jack is crying and goes to feed him. As Jack is now
awake Emily can’t go back to sleep and takes out her work while keeping an eye
on Jack. Later Laura also wakes up and wants breakfast which Emily will prepare
for her, putting away her work. It is time for Peter to wake up and soon he
leaves to work after saying bye to kids. Laura is on a good mood and talks
continuously while taking out pens and paper for drawing while Emily is
showering Jack, there was an accident with potty training. Still seems to be a
long way to go before Jack knows how to do that.
After a while Emily has
cleaned everything, Jack is “playing” on his own and Laura has been drawing for
a while in her room. Emily has now time to clean the house and do the laundry.
Not long after Jack cries and wants attention. Also Laura comes to Emily
showing all her masterpieces which Emily has to compliment openheartedly. It is
just 9am. The show goes own with cooking, cleaning and playing with the kids.
Peter is at work. Finally time to put the kids for a nap and for Emily a time
to concentrate on work. It is a good day and the kids are sleeping for two
whole hours. It is now 1pm. Jack needs feeding again and Laura had a nightmare
and is yelling in the kitchen while demanding for chocolate which Emily doesn’t
have. After a while the kids calm down and Emily goes to the park with them. It
is now 3pm and they are back at home, Jack needed a potty. Time for a little
snack and cartoons. And unfinished work. Laundry is also done. At 4pm Laura has
decided to try Emily’s makeup, with bad results. Cleaning awaits. Finally at
5pm Peter is back, he is tired after work and plays a while with kids while
Emily prepares dinner. Soon he tells the kids to go to mum as he is tired and
wants to read a book and goes to the bedroom. Emily is still preparing the
dinner while the kids want attention, they are hungry again. 6.30pm, dinner
time. It turns out to be messy. Emily is super thankful for a dishwasher. After
dinner Peter spends time with the kids while Emily cleans the table. They all
spend a while together and soon it is 8.30pm. Time to for night routine:
showering and toothbrushing. Laura hates it and it is a war again. Peter tries
to help Laura but she wants mum. Emily is with Jack but they switch places. At 9pm
kids go to sleep and Emily and Peter have a moment together, however, Emily
didn’t finish her work yet so she needs to go to her laptop. Peter watches TV
and goes to bed, it is now 11pm. Emily goes to bed after him at midnight. Jack
cries a few times in a night and Emily goes to him as Peter needs his sleep because
he will go to work in the morning. Laura doesn’t sleep well either and comes to
wake Emily up. After an hour of being awake Emily gets back to sleep and wakes
up again 6.30am. And it’s a new day!
That was a long example, and maybe even quite simple. There
could be a lot of other things going on too. But it shows how the mother doesn’t
have time for herself or to do the things she would want to do. While Peter is
at work leaving everything at home for Emily and comes back home for the good
parts: playing with kids and some alone time. Yes he is tired and can’t be
blamed for wanting to relax, but so is Emily. She hasn’t had a single moment in
a whole day for relaxing as the house doesn’t clean itself and the kids are not
like pets and the food doesn’t just appear on the table and if she didn’t do
all that no-one would and moreover, because she is the mother. The mother whose
job is to stay at home, care and be with the children. Have you ever thought
why children often go to the mother or ask for the mother when something
happens? Because mother is the one who is always there. Because she is the one feeding
them, playing with them, picking them up when they fall, coming to them when
they cry and showing them love. While the father is at work. I guess it is the
price the father must pay then, not being so close with his children. Which is
a shame as it could be different. So many things could be different, better.
But no, our society is not changing, and if it is, way too slowly.
One other thing I am extremely feminist about is the way
women are treated by men, and kind of by our society too. Just today I had a
conversation about this with my boyfriend. As I have seen it, women are so
often seen as objects by men. Women are “boobs and ass”, excuse the wording.
Women are things, objects that have no value for anything else than what’s seen
by the eye. Women are there to clean and cook and satisfy the needs of the man.
And if the man gets tired, he goes find himself a new better model. Yes, I am
going to an extreme here. But let’s put it in a context. A beautiful woman
walks to her work at a law firm. She clearly takes care of her body and wears
stylish form-fitting office clothes. On her way to work she gets stares on her
body, whistles, catcalling. When arriving to work her co-worker, man,
approaches her and asks her on a date while thinking how sexy her ass is. Everything
people see and care about is how she looks. Well, that is normal. How could
they know she is a smart woman who just got a promotion in a well-known law
firm. On the other hand, a good-looking man from the same law firm is walking
to work. He is dressed up in a smart suit and also clearly goes to gym. He gets
stares too, but different from what the woman got. He is admired and respected,
even envied. He gets a boost on his self-esteem of those looks while the woman
tries her best not to be affected by everything. You see, it is accepted by our
society for people to treat women as objects, objects of desire and tools for
getting satisfied. Women should get the same right as men have: to go outside
in nice clothes without being harassed, catcalled, stared or whatever else you
could think of. Women should be respected and valued for what they are and not
only physically, and what they have achieved. It is not fair to see and treat women
as “that ass” or “hey babe”, women are just as good and just equal as men are, so
people better start giving us some real respect too.
(pics from google)
I end my probably longest post ever now. This is a subject I
could talk about forever but I need to control myself, haha. But it is a thing
that people should think about. Women, and some men too, are not feminist
without a reason. Some go to extremes which is not always good and gives all
the feminists a bad reputation, but it doesn’t mean all that feminists are
saying is rubbish.
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